“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out, and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”
Here’s the thing, guys – I’m feeling quite vulnerable posting about my life, my feelings. This post and the next several that I have lined up are not really posts I planned to write. But, when I began selecting the quotes I wanted to post here – ones that meant something to me – and then my feelings associated with them, the words just flowed out. I didn’t want to edit my words, or cut them out entirely, nor did I want to avoid being vulnerable in this open space. My journey over the last few years has been about learning to be vulnerable and finding those who were or are worthy of my vulnerability…because not everyone is. So anyway, if anything, I hope that my words and my vulnerability are able to inspire you – to be open, to be honest with yourself, to own who you are, and to find healing in your vulnerability.
Okay, so here we go. *Deep breaths*
When I was going through a difficult time two years ago, I kept coming back to this quote time and time again. I felt like, without a doubt, what I was experiencing was complete self-destruction. I couldn’t escape the feeling, and it was heavy. I had more questions than I had answers for, which was a very uncomfortable place for me to be, because all I wanted was answers.
I desperately wanted answers.
But what I found was that there wasn’t a soul on earth that could give me the answers I was seeking. The answers were within myself and between me and God. And more often than not, I found those answers in silence, in stillness, during meditation, and while practicing yoga. Yet finding answers didn’t keep me from falling apart. It took me a long time to understand that all the falling apart I was doing was exactly what I needed for me to heal the parts of me that were hurting.
Coming completely undone will never feel good in the moment – ever – but what you must know is that you will come out stronger every time. That there is light at the end of the very dark tunnel you feel stuck in. The darkness will lift, and you will feel the sun on you again.
Falling apart, coming undone, complete “destruction” – they are not places you can allow yourself to stay for too long. You must find it within you to rise above, even when you think you cannot. But also know that, just when you think you’re doing better, the wave will hit you again. And again. And again. For however long it takes for you to heal what is hurting you.
What you must accept is that healing comes from acknowledging what is hurting you. Feel it, even when you don’t want to, and then let it go. I cannot stress to you enough just how important it is to let yourself FEEL. My emotions came in waves for what felt like forever. I tried repeatedly to block my emotions, to not feel. But in the end, that’s never an option. They are going to get you. What I do know is that, for me, the waves just stopped one day – I cannot even pinpoint when. And that’s when you’ll realize YOU did the work it took to heal yourself. You survived even when you thought you wouldn’t. And you’re stronger now than you were before. When all is said and done, it was never self-destruction, it was just growing pains.
Coming back to this quote whenever I needed to, reminded me that the pain I felt, the relentless up and down emotions, were all a part of my growth. And that, in the end, I was going to be okay. More than okay actually.
So, if you’re going through a tough time, know that it does get better. That you must feel it to heal it. Ignoring or burying what is hurting you only prolongs the process. TRUST I know this all too well. Feel it, heal it, and let it go.
And always remember that the only way out is through.