I had plans to write a big, long post about my story before diving into individuals posts about the lessons learned that I listed here previously. But, my weekend didn’t quite go to plan, which is okay. I was kind of blah, and overall, just didn’t feel too great.
Then there was yesterday, when I planned to try again. But, I listened to my heart and what I knew I needed. I allowed myself to feel even when I didn’t want to. And really, that feels worth noting and acknowledging. I say that because of all the times I needed to feel but wouldn’t allow myself to. The fact that I allowed it yesterday without pushing it down, pushing it away, and burying it…means I’ve grown. And it’s a big deal to me. So, yay for growth!
I’m not sure if I mentioned it here before, maybe I have, but one of my favorite yoga videos is Love Yourself by Nicky Jones. I originally found her, and the video I believe, on Do Yoga With Me. And it kind of just became that video I turn to when I need to let go, release, and cry it out. Yesterday was that kind of evening. I know I needed it, so I got all cozy, got my comfy blanket, rolled out my mat, and I did this 33-minute yoga video. And yes, it’s exactly what I needed.
I don’t do this video often, only when I NEED to. That may sound odd, but it’s really just an indication of how far I’ve come and how well I know myself now. And I’m really proud of that and of myself. If you don’t have a go-to yoga video for tough times, I hope you’ll give this one a try. I’m not sure why, and I guess I can’t really explain it, but for me, there is peace and comfort in Nicky’s video. And it kind of let’s me know everything is going to be okay as long as I keep returning to myself and loving myself.
Sometimes I think I return to this video as a reminder, specifically for this line…
You deserve the love you give to others.
As you know, I’m doing Yoga Teacher Training in a few months, and I mentioned that perhaps I’ll teach yoga for healing. I know most people think of yoga as this bendy, flexible exercise thing they can’t do, but yoga is more than that – at least for me. It’s where I’ve always found my healing. It’s where I go when I need to pause and come back to myself and my needs. It’s where I acknowledge things I don’t always want to acknowledge…yet as soon as I get on my mat, I let go and release. And I am better for it.
I don’t know what the future holds for my yoga teacher journey, but I know God has a plan. And I know it’s bigger than what I can envision right now. As much as I try to pull myself out of this heavy space of healing and helping others, God keeps bringing me back. I am needed for something.
What lies ahead is a different journey from the one I’ve been on, but I also know that what’s to come is better than what’s gone. I know I cannot see it all now, but I know that I am beginning a new journey and a new way of helping others. And while it oftentimes scares every ounce of my being, it’s also exciting. I feel like I’m on the path to my purpose. My eyes are open and I am paying attention. I keep telling myself and reminding myself that…
There is beauty in the unknown.
Keep walking your path, you’ll get to where you’re going, even if you don’t know where you’ll end up.
Here is the Love Yourself yoga video again, if you’d like to give it a try. Here’s to healing and to allowing yourself the space to feel, even when it’s difficult – and especially when it’s difficult.