Okay, so let me be honest – I feel a lot like hell today. It’s been a rough week. But, I’m here – I’m showing up, even when every ounce of my being is tired and screaming I want sleep! I’m that deep-to-the-core tired. You know, where you’re not physically tired – I slept over 7 hours! – but you’re emotionally tired, is it? My soul is tired. That’s it.
But, I’m here.
I was going to move ahead with my post on Lesson #4 about learning how to truly love myself, but I know I’m not in the ideal headspace to write that post right now. And that post and you deserve my best and more, so I’m going to wait. Be on the lookout next Tuesday for that post! Also, see how self-aware? I like it.
This week, because of how I’m feeling, I’ve been sinking myself in music and sleep. But still keeping up my workouts, so points for that amazingness! Proud of myself for that. But yes, music! It’s my everything, my go-to. These last two days have been all country music, which is how I know I’m in that space that no other music will really satisfy. Basically all modern country songs are good and I don’t have to skip, or hit next, or get frustrated, which just adds to the mood. Funny, right?!
Have you ever turned on your Pandora, or whatever you use, and like the music is ALL over and just not doing it for you, and you’re like REALLY PANDORA, can’t you just get it right? But then you realize – uhhh, Pandora is an app…it’s your mood that’s the problem. Pandora can’t get it right because your mood is confused. LOL!
Curious what music y’all listen to and if it changes based on your mood or how you’re feeling? What’s interesting for me is that when I used to be in this mood – this leave me alone space – I would absolutely blast “Numb” by Linkin Park. Why? Well, because it would literally be so loud I couldn’t possibly have any other thoughts. And therefore, it’d numb my emotions.
But you see, I’ve grown and have learned not to do that. Now that I allow myself to feel and just kind of be and accept where I’m at, I listen to my county music and just allow whatever emotions to come up. Does it bring up more emotions and kind of make me sulk? Sure, you bet. But hey, you have to feel it to heal it. By the way, it’s not always country music – that’s just been this week.
So yeah, I let myself have my moments and then I move on. Today, I’m still in the moment though, which is okay because, not only does it show I’m self-aware, but also that I’m present to my life. Maybe I move on tomorrow, maybe I don’t – and yes, it’s absolutely my choice to make. But I know I need to be here now and feel it, so I am.
Music comes with memories, which is either a good thing, or it’s not. For where I’m at in my life and what I’ve gone through – most songs now-a-days remind me of sad or hurtful things, or of good times that are no longer. But a good sign of growth and allowing vulnerability is that I allow myself to listen to songs now that I would’ve previously skipped. By skipping a song, I was burying my emotions and not allowing myself to feel. But by listening to the songs, I learn to feel what I feel and let it go. It really is a practice in letting go, of being okay with what is.
I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely all about the song lyrics. You know how some people hear the music and some people listen to the lyrics, right? I identify strongly with words, I always have. I think it comes from being an introvert and not ever really verbally expressing my feelings. I’ve always, always been better with written words, which is why I write so much. It’s also always nice when a song or a quote can portray what you yourself mean, but cannot verbally get out. And I have most definitely shared music with others as a way to express my thoughts and feelings.
And certainly, I’ve also written letters to people, instead of openly communicating, since it’s always been easier for me. But over the last few years, I’ve definitely learned that it’s important to verbalize my feelings more. And I know I’ll continue to challenge myself to do this. And especially with my future partner too, whenever God decides it’s the right time to bless me with someone. ♥
I’ve been wanting to share my love for music and lyrics, so I’m glad this space I’m in allowed for me to do that here today. There are a few reasons I’m in the headspace I’m currently in – so, here’s to healing what hurts. Definitely accepting prayers and good vibes. 🙂
Curious to learn what music you listen to and if you’re as deeply connected to it as I am. Feel free to share!
Words have power and music is healing. Stay blessed, y’all.